It would be great if I could draw this afternoon or do something artistic but tha's not a possibility so I'm gonna blog a little. I tried to get Google Sketchup to load onto this computer but it wouldn't do it...it's just as well because everytime I try to use Sketchup I end up pulling out what little hair I have left. My regular computer is going to the shop today...it's gotten the virus that 2 of our other computers have already gotten...this is the only one that has resisted so far. But that one is the one that already has Sketchup downloaded onto it.

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C ll D This is not Sketchup!

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Apparently I was wrong...this blog is still viewable by all...I'm not sure how to stop that or if I want to so I'm leaving it as it is...the only people who ever read it are Brianna who of course gave me shit about it and Dawn who didn't like something I wrote about...oh well...it's my blog...

Tommorow is my anniversary in AA...23 years...I'll be sharing and of course I will cry...what is it with that anyway? Any glimpse of kindness that I notice makes me cry...not big wrenching sobs (as if) just tearing up and sounding funny...I will do that tommorow evening there is no doubt and I won't like it...People tend to laugh when I share...sometimes I'm actually funny and sometimes I think they don't know what to do so they laugh...

My life is really great except for the undercurrent of anger that lives with me...it's a force and it has a lot of influence on me...a lot of it is attached to a specific event in my life and some of it comes from childhood like most emotional maladys do...I have fought it,prayed about it, gone to therapy to "work" on it...I've chastised, vilified and imaginized about it but it won't go away...a friend suggested that I try to just accept it...not to think it wrong but to realize that it is part of me...that's good advise and I'm working on it...I am...

Tommorrow I'll tell a very small part of my drinking and drugging story and I'll try to give most of the meeting time over to the group to share in...I'll ask that people refrain from telling me I'm a great guy and that they talk about the topic I've suggested...what's the topic? The face of God...I hope that it doesn't put new people off because it's purpose is to help them find and recognize a higher power of their own...we'll see...

Anniversary

Now that I no longer have a public blog it hasn't been fun to write in it. What's the point if only I will read it? Mental masturbation...keyboard masterbation...what ever. Tommorow is my 23rd anniversary...I'll be sharing at the Happy Hour Group...my home group. I cry a lot these days. Never an all out crying jag I just tear up and my throat constricts and I sound funny. It sucks. I know that will happen tommorow.